We have all heard the phrase, “You are what you eat.” I’ve always struggled with that. I mean, what I eat depends on lots of different things. Or in engineering-speak, it depends on lots of different “variables.” My variables are age, mood, sleep (or lack of it), stress level, environment, who I’m with, and so on. Figuring out what food I am would be like leafing through a menu the size of Webster’s dictionary.
I’m convinced that I am not what I eat; I am what I drink. But don’t call me Jack, Johnny, Jim, or Jose. (Why are most distilled beverages named after people whose names start with “J”?) You could call me “Bud” from time to time, but I’m mostly a Cup of Joe.
Ah, coffee again. If you are a member of the Diversions column fan club (and all three of you know who are), you know that I love coffee. It’s a recurring theme in my writing. Most, if not all, of my articles are penned in a coffee shop. Love the vibe. Love the smell. And yes, love the coffee.
In fact, I’m writing this article from a shop that will go unnamed Hint: The logo is a weird green mermaid-like creature that always seems to have a headache. Why else would she be pointing at her head all the time? Or maybe she’s just saying, “Who in their right mind would spend $5.25 on a cup of coffee? Duh!”
I recently came to my liquid-related conclusion after a bad day. I realized how “complex” I can be… and “dark.” Sometimes I can be “bitter.” But most of the time I’m “light” and “sweet.” Ok, no more laughing!
No one has ever accused me of being a “drip” or of having “fruity notes,” but I do live in a place you could call “earthy.” I am not a morning person; I’m more of a “latte” nighter. Which is one reason I need coffee so much.
I’m a “half-full” kind of guy and can sometimes be a bit of a “pour-over.” (Like “push-over” — get it?) I’m always looking for a great deal but mostly settle for a “fair trade.”
I have “grande” ideas but don’t always act on them. If I did, I might be “rich” someday.
In my younger days I was “green.” Maybe someday I’ll acquire fame and fortune and be “roasted” by my peers.
I’m often “caffeinated,” which makes it hard for others to sleep at night. If “pressed,” I can get “steamed.” I enjoy the daily “grind” but sometimes it’s too much, which makes me “bitter.” Then I easily get “frothed.”
I should probably let things “percolate,” but I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes I just need to “venti.” Maybe I should “filter” myself more. Find a better “balance.” But I’m a true blooded “Americano” with “Italian” roots. I think my ancestors came from “Vienna,” or was it “Verona”? That would explain a lot.
You get my point. I’m not a food but more like a beverage. And I married a “Burr.”
Now I’m “finish”ed!
Andy Sciarabba, P.E., is a principal with T.G. Miller, P.C., Engineers and Surveyors in Ithaca, N.Y. T.G. Miller, P.C. (www.tgmillerpc.com) is a consulting civil engineering and surveying firm that serves municipal, commercial, institutional, and private clients throughout central New York. He would like to know how you like “Diversions;” Please send him a note at firstname.lastname@example.org.